#14 Should A Woman Always Support Her Man's Purpose? What If His Purpose Changes?

In today's conversation, Mark Rosenfeld reflects on his first 100 days of the Tinder project, sharing three key learnings about online successful online dating he has garnered from being a woman dating online. He also gives an update with regards to how he's doing on Teal's 'emojiless' challenge. The conversation then delves into the challenges of navigating changes individuals purposes and values in long term relationships, especially when they appear to be divergent, using Melania Trump's recent comments as a springboard for discussion. Mark and Teal Elisabeth explore how partners can support each other's growth while maintaining their own identities and values.

Takeaways
You're only as good as your weakest skill in dating.
Your reality doesn't have to be the reality; broaden your perspective.
Everything is your responsibility; take control of your dating life.
Be emotional when interacting with potential partners. be objective when not in direct interaction.
Relationships require both partners to support each other's growth.
Change in values can threaten relationships but can also lead to growth.
Surrendering expectations can strengthen relationships.
Finding new ways to connect is essential when values shift.
Navigating differing values requires open communication and understanding.

Chapters
0:00 Introduction
0:36 We're At Day 100!
1:47 3 Learnings From The First 100 Days Of The Tinder Project
2:10 1. You're Only As Good As Your WEAKEST Skill
4:04 2. YOUR Reality Doesn't Have To Be THE Reality
9:06 3. Be EMOTIONAL When You're Interacting, OBJECTIVE At All Other Times
12:43 How Mark's EMOJILESS Journey Is Going
23:54 Melania Trump's Hilarious Sabotage Post Against Donald
26:35 Should A Woman Always Support Her Man's Purpose?
38:31 How Do You Know If You're Healthy Compromising Or Accepting Crumbs?
40:10 What If His Purpose Changes?
43:07 Want Personal Help? Book A Call!

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 0:36 We're At Day 100!
• 1:47 3 Learnings From The First 100 Days Of The Tinder Project
• 2:10 1. You're Only As Good As Your WEAKEST Skill
• 4:04 2. YOUR Reality Doesn't Have To Be THE Reality
• 9:06 3. Be EMOTIONAL When You're Interacting, OBJECTIVE At All Other Times
• 12:43 How Mark's EMOJILESS Journey Is Going
• 23:54 Melania Trump's Hilarious Sabotage Post Against Donald
• 26:35 Should A Woman Always Support Her Man's Purpose?
• 38:31 How Do You Know If You're Healthy Compromising Or Accepting Crumbs?
• 40:10 What If His Purpose Changes?
• 43:07 Want Personalised Help? Book A Call!

Transcript

[Speaker 1]
Three learnings from the first 100 days of The Tinder Project. What being emojulous has taught me this week and what did Melania Trump say this week about relationships and what can we learn from it? We'll see you right after this.

G'day and welcome to The Tinder Project, the podcast where a straight Aussie man attempts to survive 365 days dating online as an American woman. I'm your host, Mark Rosenfeld, Australia's dating coach for women. I'm here with my sidekick, self-love coach, Teal Elizabeth, and together we have one mission to make meeting good men fun and easy for you.

Let's give it a bell. Teal!

[Speaker 2]
Hi, Mark. It's day 100. Wow.

I have to say, I am very impressed that you've been keeping this up for as long as you have. I would have fizzled out by now.

[Speaker 1]
Day 100 and that doesn't even include, I'm going to do a little self-plug here, that doesn't even include the 60 warm-up days.

[Speaker 2]
Holy moly. Do you feel like you're becoming more feminine now by embodying a woman for so long?

[Speaker 1]
Actually, I kind of do. I feel like I am, I'm learning how to do it more and more effectively. And we'll talk in a little bit about the emoji-less challenge, which you gave me last week, which I had a lot of internal resistance to, Teal.

But I feel, how do I feel? I feel achieved. I feel accomplished.

I feel proud. And I feel, this isn't a feeling, but I feel I'm able to relate more, more better, how articulate of me. I feel I'm able to relate better to what my clients are going through in terms of, okay, this has been their online experience.

Here's what's happening on the apps. Here's how to switch around to different apps and have a few little learnings that I've picked up. There's been a lot of different things actually, and I was tossing and turning kind of what to include in this today, but I thought I'd do a little share of some of the things I've learned in those first hundred days that I've sort of been passing on to clients and talking about every day with them.

Would you like to hear?

[Speaker 2]
I would love to hear. I'm very curious.

[Speaker 1]
Good. All right. The first is when it comes to the online sequence, if we want to call it that, it's a bit of a harsh one, but you're only as good as your weakest skill when it comes to dating in this quote unquote territory.

So you can do everything well, but if your profile sucks or your photo specifically sucks, it's not going to go well. You can have great photos, but usually if your bio sucks, that's also not going to go great. Great photos, great bio.

If your messaging is not on point, then it's not going to go great. And even something as simple as the transitions, how do you move it off with that finesse onto a phone call or a real life date, if that's more your thing, or even what to do once you're on that phone call, or if you move over to text and how to make sure it does turn into a phone call and not just more texting, it kind of can fall down at any point and you can do the other points all well. But if that one area doesn't do so well, there's just a lot of little things you've got to get right, I think is the first thing I've taken away from it.

[Speaker 2]
Well, shameless plug that good thing. This is exactly what you help women with, right? Ladies, if you feel like you struggle in any of these things, Mark's your guy.

He's here for you.

[Speaker 1]
This is, this is, no, that, that, that, yes, thank you for the shameless plug, Theo. I appreciate that. Um, those little things along the way, if you get them all right, and we'll talk about number two in a second, it can just, it can flow really well.

There's some amazing guys on there. I keep, and my clients, I'm doing this with them every day. So we're meeting guys who are like, yeah, this is a good guy.

This is a good solid guy. Huh? There's good guys and we're seeing them.

But I also understand that for a lot of my clients, it's like they don't even see them at the beginning. And if they occasionally do, when they first come to me, I mean, for you listening, you may not even see them at the beginning. And even if you occasionally do, they're not the ones putting in the effort, which kind of leads me to number two, actually, which is that your reality doesn't have to be the reality.

There's a concept in psychology called the availability heuristic, which basically says we perceive a topic as we know it compared to the wider experiences and varieties of the topic. So there's a lot to relationships. There's a lot of different ways to experience the world, online dating, all the categories of life, the news, everything like that.

But we tend to be focused in more of a small area as in our experience tends to be isolated to kind of what we've known, which is usually a series of three to 12 experiences, which have kind of summed up to, to make our reality and understanding. Our brains do this because our brains, especially we get older, we prefer to categorize things and save our energy. You save as much glucose as we can for when something is novel and new.

So all the time we're going through life and we go, Oh, what is that? That's a light. Okay.

So it fits in with all the other lights in the way life lights work in our brain. What's that? That's a tree.

Most trees work the same way, unless you're a biologist, you know, what is a painting? Most paintings mean the same thing to most people, unless you're, you're an art connoisseur. So we kind of do that with all the areas of our life.

And therefore we assume that our reality has momentum because, okay, as what we know from the greater circle, if you imagine a small circle inside a big circle, what we know is the small circle. And we tend to assume that that's the reality, the reality, whereas it's more true. That's just our reality.

So you might be listening to this and you go, well, you know, in my town, there's only 500,000 people, 50,000 people here. This, this doesn't work for me or that doesn't work for me. And obviously there is different challenges in different places, but I really encourage clients to say, there was a time where you couldn't walk and you figured it out just because your old reality has momentum doesn't mean that that momentum needs to continue.

And if your old reality hasn't been serving you, um, I mean, it sounds kind of bad to say, but like there's people who are uglier than you, like less attractive than you. There's people who have way more limitations than you and they've done it. Like they got through this.

I'm not saying the majority of them did, but there's some that did. And that's why I like to take the perspective of everything is your fault. It's hard to hear.

[Speaker 2]
Take away number two, everything is your fault.

[Speaker 1]
Take away number two, everything is your fault. But people don't like hearing that a lot of the time, but I do think it's empowering because when I look at my own life, if I look at every, and of course, like, you know, if a tree falls on your house or something, sure you probably could have bought a house that wasn't near so many trees, but there's, there's certain things in life where there's some unpredictable stuff that happens, but anything that's consistent, anything that you're telling me, oh, this is going to happen again. I know what's going to happen because I've seen the past.

That is your fault because you're saying you're not using your resourcefulness to say, okay, what do I need to do? And often we're not aware there's a different path or we don't have the tools to, to, to know that we can, but there really is. And I like that idea of everything is your fault, especially when there's any kind of pattern, because it gives you the ability to have power over it instead of just.

[Speaker 2]
Yeah. Yeah. I think the word fault implies that there's something wrong or that you're doing something bad.

So maybe, I mean, although that can be, it can, it can be a bad thing or not a great thing. I don't like that word because it's just the connotation makes you feel shitty, but it's more of like just, yeah, everything is in your, is in your wheelhouse and your control. And you have the ability to change it.

[Speaker 1]
Yeah. I think, I think I agree with what you're saying there. And if this was a therapy session, you know, I probably wouldn't word it that way.

So this is more of like coaching consulting. How long I've got here. When you say something is my fault, it's easy to get the shame of I did wrong.

Therefore I am wrong or I did wrong. Therefore I am bad. So it's not intended to be used that way for those, for those listening.

I actually really like everything is in your control. Cause that's another way to like positively optimize. I think that's really good.

Actually it's, it's more simply the fact that we can all do stuff wrong. And I actually, I think this is one of the most fascinating things about relationships is it's like an area where when we do wrong, it's so easy to personalize it and make ourselves wrong because that's, that's the feeling we got from our parents. Even, even if our parents were great, but you do something wrong in business or when you lose some money or something, or if you're not doing your exercise routine correctly, you can still feel stupid.

It can still hit your ego, but it's generally not going to hit you as hard or as deep. Whereas if you're doing something that's not helping you in relationships, it's just so easy to feel like, oh, I, I am fundamentally unlovable or unworthy. And that's not what we're saying at all.

It couldn't, it actually couldn't be further from that. It's like the things you're doing or not doing to create a certain reality, change those things, you change your reality. But it can be a tricky conversation.

[Speaker 2]
That's the world I love to play in is the deep subconscious reprogramming. It is so powerful and so fun. So what your takeaway is for number two, everything is in your control and you have the power to change your reality of what you're seeing on the apps.

[Speaker 1]
Exactly. Yeah. What you're saying, attracting and the experience you're having.

Good takeaway. Number three, important one. Be emotional when you're interacting, but be objective at all other times.

And I think we usually get this the wrong way around is what I see at least is, for example, I had a client recently and she started going online and the first profile we ran, she got really emotional first two or three days because she's like, these aren't the guys I want. This is reminding me of this insecurity that I'm going to have to settle. This is not, this is, this sucks.

She's getting so emotional when she's not talking to a man. I had to say to her, we'll call her Kim. I said, Kim, this is the objective part.

This is the time where we sit back and we look at what's working, what's not. Dating apps as much as we don't like to say that they're a form of marketing. It's like going to a real estate agent.

You see the houses in the window. You do. There's 20, 50 houses in that window.

There's probably five that catch your attention when you actually look. One's a little greener. You know, one has a certain number of bedrooms or something.

There's things that catch your attention. Dating apps are no different. Now we do need to restrict ourselves so we're not looking at too many houses and some of the apps are actually changing this as we speak.

But nonetheless, there is an element of like, I got to market myself here. I got to put myself out there. So you want to make sure that when you're in that phase, when you're not actually live interaction with a man, you're much more objective and dare I say, even scientific about it.

Even if that's not your forte, taking away the emotional weight of any outcome, not taking anything personally, just looking at, okay, huh, I've given six guys my number and none have called me. Is that a personal attack on my love ability that's triggering the deep thing from my parents? Or is that I didn't ask in the right way or present my number in the right way, or perhaps just didn't build enough momentum in the prior conversation?

Because one is very personal and the other is very superficial and we rather the superficial solution to fix that. Once you're interacting with men, we talk a lot, you talk a lot about feminine energy and making sure you're in your feelings and connecting with what your experience is. That is the time to be in your feelings.

When you're actually in that conversation, switch all the planning off, switch all the tips off and just go with what's in your body. But it's hard to do it that way around. If you can, however, that's the secret sauce.

Be emotional, be present, be feminine. Even if you're texting, like if you're literally texting someone, let that flow through the text. Phone call, absolutely.

First date, of course. But once it's off, if he goes 10 minutes later, if you don't get any matches that day, if your matches are terrible that day, that's when you've got to be objective. Because if you're going through, it reminds me of when I used to play poker, actually.

If you're going through emotional, I used to play poker professionally. If you're going through emotional ups and downs, it's hell. Like you can't do it.

And that's actually why I quit poker. I was doing okay, I was profitable, but I was so antisocial. But the bigger problem wasn't even that.

The bigger problem was I was just having these emotional swings that every day I couldn't deal with with the money. So same thing here. It's like if you're going through these emotional swings, it's going to be damn near impossible for you to be consistent enough to just change what you need to change and get the people through the funnel that you need.

So those are the big three, just repeating those. You're only as good as kind of your weakest link in your skillset. Your reality doesn't have to be the reality and you are in full control of everything that's happening to you or happening in the future, going to happen.

And be emotional when you're interacting, objective the rest of the time.

[Speaker 2]
Love it. Thank you for taking time to condense all of that for us, that we can live vicariously and hopefully speed up the process for all of our listeners.

[Speaker 1]
100 day, I'm still kind of...

[Speaker 2]
I want to know how it's been to be emoji-less online. And thank you for taking my challenge. I know it's a little harsh.

[Speaker 1]
I was not happy about this challenge. I was not...

[Speaker 2]
I'm sensing it didn't go well.

[Speaker 1]
Well, we only just... I'll talk about that. The first few days after you told me this, I went, nah, nah, this is not...

This can't be a thing. I mean, maybe it partially works, but it's not going to work as well as... Because you can't convey tonality with a script, with words.

And then I started thinking, well, okay, but how do they do it in books? Books don't use emojis. Plenty of authors have bestselling books.

And then I went, well, hang on a minute. But authors, they talk about body language. They talk about the trepidation of the character or how eyes fluttered or how breast shortened.

So I was going back and forth in my head being like, is this a thing or is this not a thing? And I was looking at marketing and all the marketing has that stuff and it doesn't. And I thought, screw it.

I've just got to stop kind of procrastinating on it and just give it a try and just do it. So we started three days ago after three days of procrastination. And the rules for those listening is no emojis.

Okay. No emojis at all. No single caps lock words as in like a shouted word or an enthusiastic word.

So none of those and no word extensions. And word extensions are one that I use, I don't know, a lot, but maybe once per text or once per paragraph even, because they tend to deliver like, if I really want to do it, you can convince me. They have a certain different tonality that I like to use sometimes because it's the way I talk.

And I want the way I talk best represented on the page as much. I want the person to experience my personality as close as possible. And I believe we all use these.

So I went to this challenge thinking, how is this going to work? Because I don't have any of these word extensions. This is really hard.

And it's funny because I do a lot of the demos with my clients around and they've actually gotten really good at their feelings words as well. So they've been helping. So shout out to you guys, if you're listening.

It's very early days so far. So I can't say too much. And if there is one other thing that I've learned throughout this challenge, which is if you're going on dating apps once a day consistently, there'll be no dates, basically the first five days.

Now I know some of you out there are like, wait a minute, Mark, I got a date on the second day. I got three dates on the third day. Okay.

That's fine. I'm not saying it's not possible, but I'm doing my consistent once a day, 20 to 30 minutes a day. We're not, we haven't had dates in the first five days, pretty much the entire experiment.

The momentum will continue after we finish, but the start is always slow is my point. So at this stage, it's actually been surprisingly more enjoyable than I thought it was. Really?

Because, well, at first I didn't, but it's forcing me to, for example, I use the word gobsmacked this morning. And I also use the word flattered, which are two words I never would have pulled on if I didn't have emojis to, you know, if I had emojis to read. Because that gobsmacked emoji is just one you use all the time.

[Speaker 2]
I don't even know what that word is.

[Speaker 1]
Do you actually not know what that word is? Because someone said that to me this morning.

[Speaker 2]
Yeah. It makes me think of like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

[Speaker 1]
Like a gobsmacked? No, gobsmacked is like, oh my God, I feel gobsmacked. It's a flavor of surprise, basically.

It's sort of surprised turned up on a bit of steroids. Maybe it's an Aussie thing. It could be, you know, funny thing.

I didn't suggest it. It was one of the clients. That was the funny part.

Anyway, we used it as a supplement for surprise. I think surprise would be the more common emotion there, but we use flattered as well. We've just been getting more emotion words in and it still makes me hair a little bit because I look at these texts and it's like the dudes are using more emojis than me.

I look at it without reading. I'm like, this looks so boring. Oh, I'm struggling with this, but I promised myself I wouldn't bias the experiment.

So it's really too early to report any, any numbers wise results. I mean, I, if I look at my numbers now, we've viewed 15 profiles so far. We've had seven matches and we're chatting to them.

So there's not really, there's not really much to sort of go on there yet. I did want to ask Teal actually though, are we opening conversations for this challenge? Because there's kind of two ways to do this and I've tried them in previous months is one is with each match, we kind of give them 24 hours and if nothing's happened, we open the conversation.

The other is we only talk to men who opened the conversation with us. Models, if you remember from last week, or I might not have reported this actually, those models actually produce similar final results with different stuff up front of the funnel. What would you prefer Teal, since you suggested this challenge, are we going to open conversations this month after 24 hours or are we going to do the whole, no, I'm going full feminine energy, not even opening a conversation here.

Let's open a conversation. But maybe get a few extra matches to come.

[Speaker 2]
I want to get more, more conversations going. So let's open conversations.

[Speaker 1]
You want to open conversations?

[Speaker 2]
Okay. What I'm hearing, even though it's early days, what I'm hearing is that it's actually forcing you to think more about how you actually feel and not hide behind emojis, but actually articulate how you feel in your feeling messages, which is actually a little bit more vulnerable and may actually be more heart opening. Just my hunch.

[Speaker 1]
I disagree that in most cases, emojis would be hiding.

[Speaker 2]
And it may not be. I wouldn't agree with that, but I do agree that it benefits emojis for sure. But continue.

[Speaker 1]
Yeah, I would say that it does force you to be more articulate. This is very early days, like three days in. So I think it does force you to be more articulate and to connect a little more with what you're feeling.

I don't know that it necessarily represents it better because if I use a hard eyes emoji, that to me speaks enthusiasm and shows what I'm feeling, just as well as saying, I feel enthusiastic. But there are times where it's forced me so far at least to connect with, okay, I can't show this using an emoji. How do I show it using a word or maybe even a word with, because I have used haha, OMG, abbreviations, I'm keeping in a couple of those.

And obviously, exclamation marks, I'm assuming, okay. So it's kind of funny because the exclamation marks now is the main, other than feelings, is the main thing, tool I have to show excitement or a little bit of upwards energy at the end of the sentence. So we're kind of like forced to work with what we're working with.

Yeah, I think that I disagree with you on emojis hiding. I would just say that this forces you to consider more what the experience is and put it into a specific word instead of representing it with, for example, a facial expression, which to me, the equivalent would be an emoji.

[Speaker 2]
Yeah. I'm totally like unbiased here. I think it's, I just love that you're taking this as a challenge to try it out.

And actually, since I challenged you on this, I started looking back on my text messages to my friends and things. And I do actually use some emojis. So I'm not going to be sitting here on my horse and saying that emojis are the worst thing in the world and nobody should use them.

I think they're wonderful. And they definitely add a little flair and a little sass and a little extra oomph. I tend to be using the sparkle emoji a lot.

Which one's the sparkle? The one with the star in the eyes? No, it's not.

It's not a little face. It's just a little like it's, if you type in shine, it'll like sparkle. Um, it's just, it's just shine.

Cause that's basically me. I just feel like I'm just shining and sparkly. And that's how I want my words to come through.

So that's pretty much the only mood, one of the only emojis that I use.

[Speaker 1]
I mean, I'm not going to lie to you. So guys, Tia went on a bit of an emoji, um, bomb with me after last week's episode, where she just texted me like six times with all these emojis. And I, I loved it.

Like, I was like, ah, cool, cool. She's in a really good mood right now. I'm like, that was funny.

I enjoyed that.

[Speaker 2]
Only texting you in emojis from now on.

[Speaker 1]
It was hilarious. It was so good. But, um, yeah, so far so good.

I think it's, it's forcing me to be more articulate with my feelings words and have a wider range there. I guess emojis could be a little bit of a crutch for, um, not sharing the words. That being said, I think sometimes the emojis, I'm still hypothesizing that sometimes they represent the emotions better.

Um, for example, there was one example this morning I was about to use the guy said something really funny. And I was about to use the, the rolling on the floor, laughing emoji, the crying eyes with the, with the side slightly sideways tint, which is one of my favorite emojis. Cause it's just an upbeat, good, like, ha ha ha we're having fun.

We're laughing. We're vibing. And I went, ah, bugger.

Like how do I represent that without an emoji? And in the end, I think I ended up using the sentence like, uh, OMG, you gave me belly laughs reading that with a exclamation Mark. Or it was, it was something to that nature.

Like, oh yeah. OMG. I just got the biggest set of belly laughs reading that feeling.

So, gosh, what was the word I used? Uh, yeah. Feeling so surprised.

Maybe it was God. Maybe that was a gobsmacked one. Feeling gobsmacked.

I got so many belly laughs. I think that was it. Feeling gobsmacked.

Got so many belly laughs reading that. And it actually turned out okay. I was like, all right, this is a, this sentence is a reasonable representation of what I'm showing with that rolling on the floor, laughing emoji.

Um, that, yeah, that's my experience.

[Speaker 2]
Well, you don't have to do this challenge for a long time. Go back to your emojis. Anytime you want.

30 days. What? 30 days?

Oh God.

[Speaker 1]
You kind of have to do it for 30 days because otherwise you will have too much variance. Oh boy. Not to get all sciencey on you, but you've got to do a week.

A week won't prove anything because mostly you're not going to even get dates in the first week. So the second week is kind of building momentum off the first week. And since I've done a month with all the other tests, I probably need to do a month of this.

[Speaker 2]
Oh my gosh. Oh, I'm putting you in pain for a month.

[Speaker 1]
This is going to be rough. I'm, you know, let's, let's see how it goes. Like if I'm in too much pain, I'll quit, but I don't think I will.

I think, I think I'm curious to see if I, my hypothesis, and I'm going to be really careful not to bias. My hypothesis is it'll be solid, probably pretty good results, but maybe, maybe a few percentage short of what, what the other method does, but I'm open. It could improve it.

I don't know. The guys are responding well so far. So, and especially if we juice it up by sending first messages that ends up with more conversations.

Let's wait and see before we judge.

[Speaker 2]
All right. Well, should we get on to our meaty discussion for today?

[Speaker 1]
Let's move on because this made me LOL to the highest degree that I have in a long time.

[Speaker 2]
By the way, LOL is officially in the dictionary now.

[Speaker 1]
LOL is a dictionary word, a very accurate description of using feelings. This video came out and it was hilarious to me for a number of reasons. I don't want to get too on this podcast, but Melania Trump.

Now, if you guys are listening to this, the election might already be over because we record these a few weeks ahead. So whoever wins the election, whatever, that's fine. As an Aussie living in the US, I don't get too attached to these types of things, but I do find it kind of hilarious because, you know, in Australia, politics is like, they're actually banned.

Most, most Americans don't know this. They're banned from doing political advertising ever, except for the six weeks before the election. So you don't really ever hear about it except for that six week window, which I think is a really good rule.

Here, it seems to start getting momentum six years before the election. Anyway, it's such a big thing over here and I just find it so amusing because Melania Trump put out this video three days ago, maybe four days ago. And while I don't really get time for politics, I know I've observed enough to see that she's not really been around during the election cycle.

I haven't seen her. I think she was at the convention. That's about the extent of her efforts.

So I thought that was really interesting because obviously Donald is, whether he's won or lost the election at this point, he was never a politician by life. It's sort of something he grew into after his business career. And I very much doubt that Melania, when she married him, saw that as his future.

So she was pretty supportive for the first campaign, whatever. Anyway, she put out a video this week that was basically extremely women's reproductive rights, fundamental human right. This should be for all women.

And whether you agree or disagree with that, I just found it absolutely hilarious because it's such a bloody shit show, the politics over here. And Donald has been trying to balance this issue and struggling basically his entire politics with it. And again, whether you agree or disagree, it doesn't really matter too much.

But I did find it fascinating that she came out and was just so against him on it. And this is her husband he is. So I thought, Teal, I brought this up because I thought it brought up a really interesting discussion about supporting your man's purpose, should you always do it?

And then what happens if that purpose changes and becomes something you no longer agree with or resonate? Because as I say, this issue for him has been the Achilles heel. He just can't get a straight answer on it.

I listen to him talk about it. It's just BS every single time. And to hear her come out and so unequivocally say, husband, I'm against you.

You are full of it. It just made me laugh. It really did, because it was a culmination of all the things he's been struggling with.

But yeah, I wanted to ask you, as a woman yourself, I'd love to know a little bit about your husband's purpose. I'm assuming you would agree with it or you wouldn't be with him. But then what advice or how do we advise women if someone's a husband or a committed partner, if their purpose changes and you're not all on board with it?

Say values change even, say someone wants to become a new religion or takes on a new view that's just not compatible with you. How do you feel that affects the relationship and can it survive that?

[Speaker 2]
I'd love to hear it. This is a, this is a juicy one. And first off, I don't think any of us should be taking marriage advice or looking to Melania and Donald for any sort of value in what a successful marriage is, obviously.

Quite the opposite. This is a what not to do kind of thing, especially during a political campaign. But yeah, that's, that's another story.

When we talk about purpose, you know, I actually, I have a whole podcast episode on this on my podcast about how to create a spiritual and evolved partnership, because there is, there are going to be moments in a relationship where you're going to push the boundaries of what you're both at capacity of in your, your moment of growth. If both of you are in this place of wanting to continue to grow your souls and you see the relationship as being an incubator for growing your souls, part of growth is outgrowing the current version of you. And that's actually what makes a relationship sustain over the longterm.

If both people don't want to grow, the relationship is going to get very stagnant. It's going to be waking up, doing them, going through the motions, watching TV, going to bed, right. And just being in that relationship in that kind of life.

And for the most people listening here, that's not the kind of relationship we want. Then there are the people that stuck where one person wants to grow and their partner doesn't want to grow, where you end up actually pushing past them and outgrowing the relationship. And that can happen.

But if you have two people that very much value self-growth as part of their relationship incubator for their own self and their trajectory of their life, then it's actually one of the most important things to be able to actually support your partner in continuing to up-level in their lives. And this is something that Spencer and I have done many iterations of. We met when we were 23 years old.

I'm now 35 years old. There have been so many growth moments from the time I was in my early twenties to now in my mid thirties, where I realized, wow, we could have outgrown each other. We could have changed.

Our values have definitely changed. When I was in my twenties, I wanted to save the sea turtles and I was a biologist.