#25 How To Make Your Long-Distance Relationship Work

In this engaging conversation, Mark Rosenfeld and Teal Elisabeth explore the hilarious side of what Mark has come across recently as a single mum on the dating app Hinge. They then explore Teal's wisdom and coaching on the importance of choosing correct first date outfits and how to decide what to wear, including choice(s) in makeup. Finally, in the main topic, Mark and Teal tackle the complexities of making long-distance relationships work - especially relevant to Mark, who married a woman from across the world!

Takeaways
First date outfits should balance comfort and style.
Casual attire can convey confidence without trying too hard.
Avoid overly constricting clothing like dresses on first dates.
Trust is crucial in long-distance relationships.
Clear communication about expectations is essential.
Shared hobbies can strengthen long-distance connections.
Regular date nights help maintain intimacy in long-distance relationships.
Emotional availability is key in long-distance dating.
Understanding cultural differences is important in long-distance relationships.

Chapters
0:00 Introduction
0:30 Single Mum Tinder Project Update
1:18 Hinge Hilarity
4:20 First Date Fashion Tips - What To Wear
10:09 First Date Fashion Tips - Makeup
17:55 How To Make Your Long Distance Relationship Successful
29:48 Give Us A 5* Rating!

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 0:30 Single Mum Tinder Project Update
• 1:18 Hinge Hilarity
• 4:20 First Date Fashion Tips - What To Wear
• 10:09 First Date Fashion Tips - Makeup
• 17:55 How To Make Your Long Distance Relationship Successful
• 29:48 Give Us A 5* Rating!

Transcript

[Speaker 1]
Hinge hilarity, the best first date outfits, and navigating the challenges of long distance love. We'll see you right after this. G'day and welcome to The Tinder Project, the podcast where a straight Aussie man attempts to survive 365 days dating online as an American woman.

I'm your host, Mark Rosenfeld, Australia's dating coach for women. I'm here with my sidekick, self-love coach, Teal Elizabeth, and together we have one mission, to make meeting good men fun and easy for you. Let's give it a bell.

Teal!

[Speaker 2]
Hi, Mark.

[Speaker 1]
My friend. How are you?

[Speaker 2]
Oh, I was going to say the same to you. I'm doing really good.

[Speaker 1]
You know, I'm doing good as well. I'm a few days away from finishing up my business as a single mom on Bumble.

[Speaker 2]
I'm sure you're getting relieved to have that task behind you.

[Speaker 1]
I, look, it's no different really from dating as not a single mom, to be honest. I'll have the results for you next week, officially speaking. I will say this month we changed strategy and we're not going from the likes queue anymore.

So essentially we're using the free version, quote unquote, of the app. And that's definitely had a big change, but I'll be revealing more of that next week because it's been very interesting, that one change.

[Speaker 2]
I'm curious to hear that, definitely.

[Speaker 1]
Yeah, I'm excited to share with you. Nonetheless, I have some hinge hilarity for you this week. I just threw together a few little quick ones that I thought you would enjoy, Teal.

So I'm going to go ahead and share the screen and we'll describe to the listeners what the hell is going on in Hinge. I think there's a bit of Bumble hilarity going on here as well, to be honest. To begin with, Teal, we have Barnabas.

So Barnabas is there posing with...

[Speaker 2]
Is that really his name?

[Speaker 1]
He sounds like he's from Pirates of the Caribbean, doesn't he?

[Speaker 2]
Maybe there's more hilarity besides his name is Barnabas.

[Speaker 1]
Well, the bio is the hilarity. His bio, if I zoom in here, I am a complete tool bag. Don't waste your time.

I would only get under your skin and make a minimum for mini yous and mes. My only red flag is that I don't want a girlfriend. I need a wife, period.

So shout out to Barnabas, the diesel mechanic from wherever he's from.

[Speaker 2]
Oh my God.

[Speaker 1]
Nice profile, sir. Next up, we had Old Mate here. Brad's wearing a wedding ring.

So you probably want to not wear a wedding ring. Just in general, in your photos, lads. Probably stay away from wearing wedding rings in your photos.

This guy's posing with his family on account of... I don't know. Don't take a picture with your ex-wife and your child.

[Speaker 2]
Especially when your ex-wife is wearing a sweatshirt that says naughty.

[Speaker 1]
And with the Grinch on it. Love it. At least it's Christmassy.

I guess it was somewhat relevant to the period of year. This guy's posing with a doll. I just have never seen this before.

For those listening, he's just standing there. He's doing a typical selfie, but he's grabbed a doll that's really a newborn baby size, and he's got it looking at the roof. And I don't know what he's...

There was nothing in his bio to explain this. It was just... I don't know what he's doing.

[Speaker 2]
You know what this reminds me of? It's like when guys like to take pictures with dogs and they think that's going to get them more likes. It's like, what if I just posed with a baby?

[Speaker 1]
Then I'll get an even real baby. That's what they have dolls for. Women can't tell the difference.

[Speaker 2]
Easy, lady. I like kids.

[Speaker 1]
Or maybe he's like, no, women like a man who's good with kids, but they don't want a man with kids. So I'll show that I'm good with kids by holding a non-real one. I don't know what his logic here was.

This guy had... I don't actually have the other photo here, but this guy had... To me, self-care is November 24.

When my gay brother outed both my mom and her boyfriend of 16 years as bisexuals. And his next photo after this was literally just his wrist with a hospital. You know how they put those things on you in hospital?

That was his photo. It was just the hospital band from the hospital. I don't know what's going on out there, Tia.

We've got some interesting ones this week. That is Hinge Hilarity for the week. That's what I've been running into.

We have had some very good ones, I should say. There's actually been some really stand up guys. We'll talk about those next week.

We've had some great ones, but we've also had some clangers. So that part was fun. Teal, the most beautiful person in the room here.

We need to talk about looks for a moment. Outfits, specifically first date outfits. I want to know when your clients come to you and they say, Teal, how beautiful do I need to be?

Do I need to be 11 out of 10 or 7 out of 10? What do I wear on a first date? How do you advise them?

[Speaker 2]
Mmm. Well, my go-to classic for a woman is always a nice stated black t-shirt and the best pair of blue jeans that you have. I feel like that...

[Speaker 1]
Shirt and jeans. So can I ask, I'm not a fashion coach by any stretch. When we think feminine clothing, I suppose we tend to think skirts, dresses, something with a lot of flow to it.

Why are those not your classic, I guess, feminine quote unquote recommendations?

[Speaker 2]
Yeah. I mean, I think for me, what I like about the black and the jeans is it's still, it's casual, but it's still dressing. It shows off your body without showing off too much because dresses tend to kind of sometimes be too alluring.

It usually highlights your ass, if you have a nice ass. If you've got the jeans to show off the ass, then you want to highlight that asset and show it off.

[Speaker 1]
Get the booty out, Naz.

[Speaker 2]
Help a boy out. And to me, it conveys like a subtle confidence of, I'm not trying too hard, but I know how to look good. So that has always...

[Speaker 1]
I can look good without trying to look good.

[Speaker 2]
Exactly. If you wear a dress, it kind of shows either you're trying too hard or either your bosom is going to be blown out or sometimes you're just not comfortable in a dress. Dresses can be very constricting.

They can be, you can be worried about how they're going to fit all day, all night long. I feel like if you've got those classics, it's just a nice go-to. Obviously, yeah, fashion to me is important.

There's such a... I think we've talked about this on past episodes. I think the world and the expectations and the standards of dressing has gone too far to the point of where people wearing pajamas out to the grocery store, and I can't stand that.

And there really is, I think, a level of respect that you're demonstrating when you choose to dress yourself of this is how I see myself. And so really just giving whatever it is that you choose to put yourself in, making sure that it's comfortable, that you're not going to be constantly fiddling, because if you're fiddling, it's just going to convey that you're insecure. Even if you're a confident woman, if you're constantly dealing with a bra strap that's stuck, it's just going to come through with that non-verbals that you don't fully feel relaxed.

And we don't want that. We want something that feels very comfortable, something that feels like you're not trying too hard, but also shows that relaxed confidence. So whatever that outfit represents for you that is that, I think is best.

I also think staying away from graphics, graphic tees, anything that has labels.

[Speaker 1]
What, the Naughty Grinch is not a go on the first, on the preset?

[Speaker 2]
Just not too many patterns. My husband hates patterns. And I find that interesting too, you know, with patterns, it's interesting because I used to wear patterns and now I basically don't wear any patterns.

But I see this now when I go shopping, patterns can really take away from the essence and the aura of our actual self. It's almost like illusion and distraction from the rest of us. Whereas I feel like with colors and just like nice tones, it enhances the aura of who we are.

And I've actually gone so far into helping women with their color palette and finding the right colors that match their aura because there's even a difference between wearing a color that matches your aura versus does not match your aura. And it can really shift and change how people receive you. Like you will never see me wearing bright, like, um, like basic like colors.

It's always muted.

[Speaker 1]
I was going to ask, what are your, what's your aura colors? Can we get you in like a brilliant lime green next week?

[Speaker 2]
No, he'll never see me in neon.

[Speaker 1]
Let's do an anti-aura show, Teal. We'll dress whatever is the color opposite to our auras.

[Speaker 2]
No neons, no patterns.

[Speaker 1]
I was going to say fluorescent pink. I just want to...

[Speaker 2]
No major colors like a bright red or a bright orange or a bright yellow or a bright green, nothing like that. I'm a more autumn sense. So you'll see me in a lot of like browns and reds and greens and blues and things that are more gentle colors or pastels.

And you can really, you can get different, yeah, basically reads on this. You can do a whole color palette quiz to match your essence. And it really does change how people pick up your essence.

[Speaker 1]
So I can go online and the internet can detect my essence and give me a color palette without looking at me. You take a quiz. You take a quiz, gotcha.

Interesting. All right.

[Speaker 2]
And there's different kinds. So any women that maybe are a little bit fashion uneducated or just feeling like they want to enhance that, you know, really take some time to think about this a little more deeply for yourself of what is the best wardrobe that I can put on myself that is going to present me in the way that I want to be received. And how do I want to be received, right?

So I want to be received as someone that is put together in a place of full makeup, full hair, full outfit, you know, full designer clothes, all of that kind of stuff. And what would that demonstrate for someone receiving you in that way versus someone who shows up in sweatpants and their hair in a bun and goes out on a date like that, right? And then what is the middle ground in between that?

And I think there's a lot that can be said for what we choose to put into our appearance.

[Speaker 1]
So on that, what about makeup? What do you say to the ladies about, okay, well, are we wearing makeup? Are we not?

It sounds like you're saying definitely don't overdo it, but can you underdo makeup on a first date?

[Speaker 2]
Yeah, I think that's going to be totally a personal preference. I think some women feel very comfortable in their natural state without makeup, and I applaud that and I love that. And I also don't think that there's a problem with makeup as long as it's not overdone.

It really is about just showcasing who you are in your most comfortable organic state. And if that comfortable organic state is to have something that just enhances you a little bit, that's great. What I find is that when women do put on too much, I was in a restaurant the other day and the hostess had so much makeup on, she looked like a clown.

I mean, she was a very beautiful woman, but you could definitely tell it was just like everything all over her face caked on. And to me, it was more of the thoughts that were coming up was, are you trying to hide something? Or is this what you do?

[Speaker 1]
I don't like admitting that I think that, but I think the same thing, which is like, oh, if you're putting that much makeup on, you mustn't believe you're very pretty, which is sad that I think that, but that is kind of one of the thoughts that I remember going to this in dating as well. It's like, oh, you mustn't feel your natural beauty is very nice. And that could be completely wrong at the time.

Maybe she just loves makeup. I'm just really passionate about wearing makeup. But that is the stereotype, I think goes through a lot of guys' heads when that happens.

[Speaker 2]
And I love that you're sharing that. I think it's really important for women to hear that, that makeup doesn't automatically just make you more beautiful. There is a balance to it.

It can be a natural enhancer, but it is not here to hide who you are. And quite the opposite. We do not want it to hide who you really are.

We want to show somebody on that first date who you're gonna be consistently every single day. So if you're the type of person that puts on a little blush and mascara and goes out into your day, then keep showing up that way. But if you're the type that doesn't like wearing makeup, then let them see you without makeup.

And if they don't go running for the hills, then you got a winner. Good.

[Speaker 1]
Teal, anything else that you would say? I guess I can speak from the guy's perspective as well. I kind of already have.

You know, I always thought smart, casual seemed to go down well for the guys. A set of chinos did me well. Nice shoes.

I mean, we never look at the women's shoes, but the women look at our shoes. So I think the shoes do make a bit of a difference in the women's mind. But honestly, I kind of- Thanks for using Birkenstocks.

No, what?

[Speaker 2]
Birkenstocks.

[Speaker 1]
What are they? I don't know what that is.

[Speaker 2]
Oh my gosh. I'm sure you've seen them. They're those very hippie sandals that are like kind of a cork base.

[Speaker 1]
Oh, and they have like two sets of straps over the top.

[Speaker 2]
Leather straps with buckles.

[Speaker 1]
Oh yeah, those things are weird. You know, I tended to like moving dates, so I'd usually wear something that I felt I could go for a walk in comfortably. Obviously, if it's hot, you've got to consider it.

Actually, to be honest, the biggest thing that made me nervous about dates was just if it was hot, I get so self-conscious if I'm sweating in like even a little bit. I just hate it. I do not ever want to be that person with body odor.

It's like, even if I've done, you know, all the deodorant and cologne, I'm like, oh shit, there's a drop of sweat on me. And it's not, yeah, it's just, I don't want to gross people out. I don't want to be that person.

So that was the one thing that's like, oh God, if I'm getting, you know, if I'm, if it's hot out, especially in Australia, it's hot out a lot. That was the one thing that I was like, oh, how do I wear something that I'm least likely to sweat in here? Hence the less clothes.

I was going to say. Yeah, from last week. There's no, nothing to sweat on if you're not wearing any clothes too.

It was brilliant.

[Speaker 2]
What would you say for women? Like what, as a man's perspective, what do you think is the most attractive for a first date?

[Speaker 1]
Yeah, it's a good question. And I think different guys find different things attractive because, you know, you mentioned earlier that woman who wears a lot of makeup, there is a certain guy that really likes that. Now I would tend to argue though, that it's a certain type of guy that's going to be a little more on the wants a trophy girl side.

He's going to kind of want you to look like that all the time. And he's probably not going to be a huge fan of you not looking like that. So I always preferred the very light or no makeup look, the kind of, I'm not really trying to impress you look, I'm attractive, but you'll get the hot me at date five look without actually saying that.

I always thought that was kind of the coolest. Less was more for me in terms of, I'd say in terms of the sort of dress effort and makeup. I think I'd be more impressed by someone.

Yeah, you know, if 50-50 is in the middle of dressing extreme up versus dressing extreme down, I'd probably like the three to four range out of 10.

[Speaker 2]
And what does that look like for a woman?

[Speaker 1]
Well, yeah, that's a good question. I'm kind of terrible quoting this stuff. I get the sense that something that kind of maybe shows that she's fit and I can sort of see that she's something about her.

It doesn't even have to be fair. It could be okay. She's got nice boobs or it could be okay.

She's got a nice butt. As you say, there's something that's like, Oh, Oh, hello. But it's, it's kind of covered, but you can tell that it's there.

So it's like, yeah, it could be, it could be fitness. So maybe if she has, yeah, I'm trying to think.

[Speaker 2]
Great abs. It's got a little crop top.

[Speaker 1]
Yeah. Like would I like it? Would I like a crop top?

It has to be crop top would have to be well done for me. Yeah. If it was like a well done, quite classy crop top, then I could, I could take it.

But you don't want it to look cheap at the same time. It's, there's definitely a balance there. Isn't there?

It's if you flaunt it too much, it looks like you're trying too hard. If you get really lazy with it, then it looks like you're not putting in effort. But I would definitely say in terms of overdoing it and trying to flaunt it versus being lazy and just relying on your natural looks.

I would lean towards someone who is lazy and relying on their natural looks. Cause I'm hoping while I'm thinking that, okay, they're not trying to impress me. I'm impressed by the fact they're not trying to impress me.

Now I want to see what they look like when they're actually dressed up.

[Speaker 2]
Yes.

[Speaker 1]
That would be my preference. Yeah.

[Speaker 2]
Interesting. Interesting. Shall we talk about?

Yeah. It gives a lot for ladies to think about. So comment below ladies.

I'm curious to hear for you. What is your go-to first date outfit? Maybe we can get some more insights going in and give you guys some more inspiration.

[Speaker 1]
Yeah, let us know. We'll have to get an expert on at some point to give us official fashion advice.

[Speaker 2]
Oh, you didn't like my color quiz?

[Speaker 1]
I loved your color quiz. Let's be real. There's people who do this for a living.

We should chat to a couple of them. I'm curious to know what they say. Maybe I can get my color from a real human.

What's my color to you? Go on.

[Speaker 2]
Well, it's not just one color. It's a palette of colors. But from what I'm sensing, What's my aura say about my color?

[Speaker 1]
Is it green?

[Speaker 2]
I think you're an autumn as well. I think the nice like rich greens, browns, tans. I think those would look really good on you.

[Speaker 1]
Okay. Okay. We'll see what the expert says when we get them in and see if it matches.

[Speaker 2]
I'll send you the quiz.

[Speaker 1]
Teal, let's talk about long distance because I have experienced this personally. Pitfalls of long distance, things to look at for how to make long distance work. Have you ever had a long distance relationship, Teal?

[Speaker 2]
Yes. Yes. I did.

And he broke my heart. Absolutely.

[Speaker 1]
How long was it?

[Speaker 2]
He was in South Korea and I was in Costa Rica. So pretty much opposite ends of the earth.

[Speaker 1]
Yeah. And how long were you together?

[Speaker 2]
About a year and a half. Yeah. We dated for about four or five months in person.

And then we both went and studied abroad. This was in college. And yeah, it got real bad after that.

But yeah.

[Speaker 1]
Well, I've had a more successful one given I'm here now. So maybe we go, is there a couple of things you learned as in mistakes to avoid for those people who are in long distance? And then I can give a couple of tips that worked for me.

[Speaker 2]
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Well, I know for me, the biggest thing that was a mistake that I learned was not having clear expectations on just how we were going to go about this.

You know, we had gotten really, really close and really fallen deeply in love with each other, leading up to us both going and studying abroad. And then it was never really talked about how we were going to both navigate this next transition. It was just like, we'll just keep chatting and see how things go.

And that really just kind of killed it for me because our expectations were completely different. So I mean, I was 21 at the time. I was, you know, just out of college, just...

No, I was still in college. I was 20 at the time. So I was naive, young me that was just like, I have a boyfriend and I'm in love.

And I'm just imagining everything's going to be perfect. And he had different ideas. So I think getting on the same page about expectations is huge.

I think number two is just being able to have very clear communication. I see this with a girlfriend of mine who's doing long distance with her boyfriend. Same thing, opposite ends of the earth.

I think just the fact with time zones and even internet reliability, even the most beautiful loving relationships can be put through the ringer because of logistics with actual technology communication. So I think having a lot of compassion for that and also making it very clear and understanding of like, how are we going to do the communication piece here in terms of when we're going to call, how long we're going to talk, what's going to happen when the internet goes out? What are our backups?

Are we going to write love letters to each other instead of trying to FaceTime? Whatever you can do so that you guys are able to navigate those bigger issues. Because I think for the two of them, it's rearing its head in a really difficult way for them because their connection is getting frayed because of just the technology not being able to support the connection.

[Speaker 1]
Really? When do they live that the technology is failing them?

[Speaker 2]
One lives in Indonesia. He runs a dive shop in Indonesia. And then, I don't know.

I would say, I think those are my two big ones for right now. I'm curious to hear what you have seen has worked. And then if I have any others, I'll circle back.

[Speaker 1]
Yeah. So Sam and I did long distance for about a year and a half, I think it was. And it was very tough.

The big point, we actually weren't going to be together. And we sort of decided we were incompatible. And then it was a whole thing.

It was very sad. And then we decided that we missed each other enough that we wanted to give it a shot. Figuring out a plan kind of before you even commit or once you get around to that commitment stage before the heart gets too involved is a really wise idea.

So I remember Sam sort of pulled me aside in San Diego. And we'd been dating. I actually call it dating for more or less, what was it at that time?

Probably about six months. But that was six months. The first three months were very casual.

So between that sort of third to six month point as things started to get a bit more serious, we started having more of those conversations about, okay, how would this actually look? So yeah, not letting it drag too long without a plan to be in the same place is really important. So there kind of has to be an end date, Teal, a future date.

If it's just indefinite without an end date of when you're going to be together with no plan, it just, yeah, it sort of spires. It's very difficult. Big thing for us when we were in the long distance was having a hobby or sharing hobbies and having a regular date night.

So those two things, often those were the same thing, but sometimes they were different. Date night every week, three, four hour video call, that was a super consistent thing that had to keep happening. I think it was every Sunday for me, every Saturday for her, that was very, very consistent.

And that's probably the biggest thing that got us through. Having hobbies, her and I would read a book every week. So because obviously not together as much, you don't have as much together time, but it gives you more personal time.

And since you're not using the time on dating, you may as well use it for something useful. So reading a book, we have a new book that we read every week and we'd come back together. That would be one of our shared things.

Little ball games, there's ball games you can get that you play together. And then there's also ball games you can get on your phone where the person doesn't have to take a turn straight away. They can just take it eight hours later and you get a notification when they've had their turn.

So you can do stuff like that. That was really helpful for us. I would say those three things, the hobbies, having a regular date night, and what was the first thing I said?

Having an end date to when you're going to be together. They're three of the biggest ones. I would actually say not relying on good morning, good evening texts was like let go of those.

That wasn't very helpful for us and it was just causing missed expectations. Using voicemails to communicate more often than texts. We would voicemail backwards and forwards so you hear each other's voices most days.

And just really checking, if you are continent to continent, state to state, this isn't quite so relevant, but especially country to country, you can have big cultural differences. And really checking if you're going to build a life with someone who's from a long way away, they live in a different culture to you. And I have to say, when I moved to the West Coast of America, the culture was probably more similar to Australia.

It wasn't exactly the same, but it was similar-ish. A lot of it was similar. The East Coast of America is more, I guess you call it hardcore, it's more intense.

And that's more of Sam's culture. And so that's been a bit of a culture shock to me. And so I'd say one thing I screwed up that I wish I'd done more of is just finding out more about how the person wants to live in terms of their culture.

Not just the location, but the culture. If you want to raise kids, how the culture would affect that. If you want to, let's say, buy a house or have financial goals or family goals, how the culture would affect that.

Ask good questions about the culture if you're moving, especially if you're moving country to country, because I think the difficult conversations you don't have charge interest later on. So as many, as uncomfortable as they are, as many as you can have with your partner at the start, how do you do things? What are your values around this?

If we have kids, what's your preference around that? That would be one of my biggest tips is have those conversations early with your partner. Figure out if you're on the same page about those big areas, religion, kids, spirituality, living location, health and wellness, money.

Yeah, make sure you have those conversations because the biggest downside of long distance teal that I find is that it's very attractive to emotionally unavailable people. So if I'm emotionally unavailable, I can just date women from, I don't know, wherever, let's say America or Botswana or wherever, and they'll probably never even come here. So I could have these love affairs that are never truly close, so they're never truly threatening.

So if you're on there looking for a real love, you will get a lot of people who are comfortable at a distance and frankly want to stay there. And you may not find out for 12 months because they're so bloody far away. So you have to be really, I don't really recommend long distance dating, even though I did it.

If you do it though, you do have to kind of test the emotional availability of someone by what's our plan to be together? It's kind of like when you're on a date, sorry, when you're on a dating app, you want to know if the person is a scammer or not. One of the biggest tests is just get them on the phone and talk to them, get a feel for them.

If you want to know whether someone long distance is emotionally available, have that conversation about how we would actually, you know, logistically make that work. You don't want to do it maybe on the first date or, you know, really early because it's a bit much for there, but definitely before you commit or get too far in, those conversations should be coming up. Not in a love-bombing extreme way, but in a, hey, let's bring these conversations up soon way and test if this person is actually wanting to make a plan for moving and potentially moving together and is not going to change their mind a week after having that conversation, which a lot of people do.

[Speaker 2]
I think those are really, really valid points. And I love those tangible, actionable things that people can do to actually enhance their current long distance relationship. Those sound like really, really great ideas.

And I think one thing I wanted to remember and add on too is setting up just a really, you have to have a really strong level of trust with this other person too, because you're, not to say that it's any different if they're around, you still want to have that level of trust with them. But I think because you're not getting to spend as much time, you really have to, if they say, yeah, I was out all weekend and I went here and I went there, and your mind goes, you went to the bars and you've been sleeping with women and they're like, no, I didn't. I was literally out.

[Speaker 1]
You got to believe them. It's not for everyone.

[Speaker 2]
You have to trust and believe what they say, because if you don't, or you allow your mind to go into those places and then you allow it to weave stories of meaning things, you're going to find ways to sabotage it and ruin it. So I think there's a litmus test of, am I even capable of having a healthy long distance relationship just based on what's my relationship with my own levels of trust and healthy connection and security in myself? And then two, can I trust this person to trust what they say?

[Speaker 1]
And that's also why the long-term plan conversations are so important, because if you know someone's moving in a year, you have a little bit more sense and they're taking plans, they're taking the lead on that. You have a little bit more sense that, well, they would be kind of messing things up by cheating. So even though it's still theoretically possible, they've got a bit more skin in the game.

Whereas when there's no plan, what do you really have to draw your safety from? It could be that they're calling you every week and that's very consistent, but you probably need some sort of security, not just in the present, but spreading out into the future. And having that plan for the couple tends to give you that future security, which ironically helps you more in the present, just go, okay, this person's invested in me.

And even if they're out for the night, they're going to behave themselves.

[Speaker 2]
Agreed. Agreed. Great discussion.

Good chat.

[Speaker 1]
It's been a pleasure. Your face is always so nice.

[Speaker 2]
Likewise.

[Speaker 1]
Teal, how far away are you from the magical moment?

[Speaker 2]
It's still a little ways away. I'm 28 weeks. So I'm just entering into the third trimester, which is really exciting.

But I got a good more three months to go.

[Speaker 1]
So very exciting. Our children might have the same birthday, maybe. Yeah?

When's your daughter's birthday? You have to be, I think, a couple of weeks late. 26th of April.

[Speaker 2]
Okay. She's my baby due April 14th.

[Speaker 1]
So we'll see. Maybe you'll be a couple of weeks late. Teal, thanks for joining me.

It's been a pleasure. Guys, give us the five stars on the relevant podcasting platform. We hope you enjoyed the show.

Leave us a review. And thank you for listening.

[Speaker 2]
Teal, bye guys.