#26 I Almost Died This Week

In this conversation, Mark opens up about his near-death experience this week, and the profound shifts it led to in his attitudes towards life, love and relationships.

Chapters
0:00 Introduction
0:29 WHAT Happened?!?
16:06 A Previous Near-DEATH Experience Involving Trucks
18:30 What Mark LEARNED
18:43 What FLASHED through Mark's mind with 15-20 minutes to live
25:21 Feminine LOGIC
30:47 The Power Of RECEIVING, Interdependence, And Positive 'Neediness'
35:03 BAD Advice Mark gave in the past
37:35 Should A Partner Ever Be Your THERAPIST?
39:16 An UPDATE On The Tinder Project
40:17 A FINAL Heartfelt Takeaway

Consult with Mark: https://app.iclosed.io/e/assessment/make-him-yours-mark-rosenfeld
Consult with Teal: https://calendly.com/tealeriege/freecall/
Subscribe on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTinderProject
Support or Visit us at: https://thetinderproject.buzzsprout.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 0:29 WHAT Happened?!?
• 16:06 A Previous Near-DEATH Experience Involving Trucks
• 18:30 What Mark LEARNED
• 18:43 What FLASHED through Mark's mind with 15-20 minutes to live
• 25:21 Feminine LOGIC
• 30:47 The Power Of RECEIVING, Interdependence, And Positive 'Neediness'
• 35:03 BAD Advice Mark gave in the past
• 37:35 Should A Partner Ever Be Your THERAPIST?
• 39:16 An UPDATE On The Tinder Project
• 40:17 A FINAL Heartfelt Takeaway

Transcript

Mark Rosenfeld (00:01.698)
I almost died this week. The story of what happened and what I learned from it next.

do it one more time. I almost died this week. The story of what happened and what I learned from it is coming up next.

Teal Elisabeth (00:18.771)
Ready? Yeah. Okay.

Mark Rosenfeld (00:19.534)
That's all good. Cool, yeah, let's do it.

Teal Elisabeth (00:26.407)
Mark, I can't tell you how good it is to see your beautiful face today.

Mark Rosenfeld (00:31.47)
Hey you, hey you. It's great to see you too. My voice isn't projecting like it usually is Teal, so listeners, Teal, forgive me. I don't have my diaphragm in the shape that it was three weeks ago.

Teal Elisabeth (00:37.271)
you

Teal Elisabeth (00:44.919)
Yeah, yeah, we need to talk about this and for everyone listening, this is gonna be a little bit of a different episode than our usual lighthearted and fun witty banter web episodes. This is actually Mark being able to share a little bit more of his personal experience lately of what's been going on in his personal life. As he mentioned in the intro, he almost died. And so we just felt like this was important for us to talk about and also give some insight and some learning and takeaways that

I think we can all have a good reminder of. So, yeah, I would love for you to just kind of share a little bit about, you just for our listeners, the broad overview. You do not need to go into all the gory details, but just the broad overview of what happened, and we'll start there.

Mark Rosenfeld (01:29.548)
Yeah. Thanks to everyone who's reached out. just want to start by saying that for those who don't know basically what happened a couple of weeks ago.

It was a Thursday night about 1 a.m. and I just started feeling, I mean, I'd been a little uncomfortable throughout the day on Thursday, but at 1 a.m. I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to bother Sam because sleep's been a bit of a challenge for us. So I went to another room, tried to sleep there, still couldn't sleep, which is kind of weird for me. And then Friday, I got up and just went, I got some gut pain here. I think I'm gonna have to take a day off, which this was supposed to be day 216 of the Tinder project. And I went, you know what? I'm really not up

this today. I think the streak might be over. So I took the day teal and just kind of laid in bed, cancel my calls, just, just put things, just put things aside. So it was mainly stomach pain. I, I didn't feel like feverish sick and I didn't feel sort of vomiting or anything, but I was just like, man, a stomach pain, just like I had really bad gas or something. And then around about six,

PM that night, Sam said to me, look, it's Friday, urgent care is closing soon. Maybe you should go in there. And I sort of hummed and hard on this advice and you know, I've had gas in the past and usually it goes away within 24 hours. This is reasonably familiar to me, maybe not quite this bad, but at least once before I'd ended up in hospital with literally bad gas. That was like 10 years ago. So was a while back, but I've had gas pain before. So I was sitting there thinking about six o'clock,

like take Sam's advice? Do I not? How am I going to hire him? And I decided, you know what? I'm just going to go. So it was right around Laney's bedtime. So I said, babe, I'll take an Uber. It's all good. It's only urgent care. I'm going to go there. So I get in this Uber. He takes me to urgent care. They kind of checked me out. Is your appendix hurt in your bottom right quadrant? That type of stuff is, you know, is a top left. Is that okay? And they, they did the basic check and then they said, Oh, I feel better. It seems like it's fine. I guess it's just gas. So I went, all right.

Mark Rosenfeld (03:36.078)
went to the pharmacy, got a few meds and then got home. I don't know if it was the Uber drive or what it was, but as soon as I got home, I felt nauseous. I felt unwell. My hands were tingling and I just, I just vomited. I just, and it was pretty much the water I'd had that day. went, Oh, that's a bit, that's a bit weird. Water and not to be TMI for the listeners, but water and green bile basically. So at that point, Sam was like, you are going to emergency. So I went, all right.

I'm going listen to the woman's intuition here. I'm going to go to emergency.

They get me through, great hospital. You know, you're expecting those five hour waits in emergency. I'm in within 10 minutes. Bingo. Love this. Get my own room. They hit me with fluids, meds, take my bloods. They're very, very charming and personable. thought, yeah, this a good hospital. A few hours later, they come back. They say, look, your bloods are looking good.

your pain's down a little bit. What's your pain right now? Okay. It's about a six. Good. Okay. We think, we think you're okay to go home. No, your, your bile is fine. Your appendix is fine. Your major organs, nothing in your blood. So I went, great. I go home and I get some sleep. I can't sleep on my stomach still though. So that's a bit weird, but anyway, I get some sleep. I wake up feeling a decent chunk better and actually did the call. I did the Tinder project the next morning. but throughout the day, Saturday, I'm just like, yeah, I'm still not feeling well, Teal. I'm just like,

I just, I still, you know, haven't had a bowel movement, not, not passing any gas or anything. I'm still not feeling good, not really hungry. And by Saturday night, Sam's saying, we need to go back to a different hospital, Mark. I'm like, look, we've already seen two doctors. They both cleared me. They've done multiple blood tests. What could it be? It's not that bad. She says, I really think we need to go to a hospital, second hospital, a different hospital. I said, all right, I'm to give it to the morning and if it gets worse, we'll go.

comes to the morning teal and it got worse. The pain was getting worse 3am, 4am, 5am. So I sort of waited for Sam and family to wake up and I said, think we need to go to that second hospital. We got to the second hospital and long story short, they say you're going straight to CT. So they bring me in quickly, get me in a CT scan within 45 minutes. They say, this is Sunday remember, they say, Hey, we think you've got a bowel obstruction.

We need to call the surgeon, this needs to be operated on yesterday. I went,

Teal Elisabeth (08:36.72)
my god.

Mark Rosenfeld (08:42.446)
Because you know, I know bowel surgery from being a veterinarian in a past life.

Teal Elisabeth (08:48.065)
Yeah.

Mark Rosenfeld (08:48.418)
bowel obstructions are some of the worst news you can give to an owner and humans and humans and people, know, dogs, it's like, it's the same. We all have stomachs. We all, it's, it's more or less the same anatomy, right? So I kind of knew what was involved in that and I went, Jesus. And so at the time it was just, I think who was there with me? Sam was there with me and grandma had Laney at home. And so I just kind of, it all hit me at once cause I went, okay, so I'm going to go to surgery.

Teal Elisabeth (08:52.36)
Really?

Teal Elisabeth (09:00.31)
Right.

Mark Rosenfeld (09:18.711)
They said, you might have to live with a colostomy bag depending how it goes. They said essentially, we've got to get you in as soon as possible. They're calling in the surgeon. His name was Dr. Sarkofsky actually, I can give him a shout out now, but I had no idea who this person was. So we're calling in the doctor. He needs to operate on you. Basically, basically yesterday.

So in a very short span of time, I had to process the fact that, okay, this is not just bad gas. This is not just, Hey, sending home again. This is like, you'll go into surgery as soon as the doctor's here to do the surgery. and it just kind of hit me, you know, I know I'm young and youngish and I know that the risks are lower, but it really hit me all at the same time to heal that like, okay, AI might not wake up from this. There's always a chance with surgery.

B, depending on the timing, there could be peritonitis, is where your, it sounds really gross, but essentially your gut, like your colon leaks into the rest of your abdomen, which is terrible. That's like 60 % mortality. If that happens, it's really bad. And even without that, it's still like a 20 to 40%. I read on Google, it's a 10 to 40 % mortality, even without the perforation. So it kind of all just hit me at once. And

it's really hard to emotionally process that at the time. but it was just, I just started thinking, my God, like I've got to tell people what I cared about, about them. And I've got to write my passwords down and am I going to get to say, you know, goodbye to Laney? And I was really, I was really trying not to think negative. And everyone was sort of saying, you know, think, think positive Mark, mental is important. You're to get through this, which is true. And I know that to be true at the same time.

if the 5 % chance or whatever, don't know what the number, exact number was, but if that chance happened and I rolled an unlucky dice that day, there were certain things I wanted to say and leave for people. I, even I didn't want Sam to have to guess all my passwords and find out where, know, my money and stuff was. So I spent the next

Mark Rosenfeld (11:22.732)
I think I had about 20 minutes. I spent the next 20 minutes kind of on my phone. It sounds weird to be on your phone, but just kind of writing to some of the people in my life and writing a little notes. And I mean, it sounds more, but, but it really was, it was essentially goodbye notes. And it was just like, if, things go wrong, this is Sam, this is what to tell people on my behalf.

it was really, really heavy teal. And when my, when grandma and Laney arrived, that was when I didn't want to cry at the time. And to be honest, it would have hurt too much to do so. But when I saw her in a cute little Ewok outfit with her cute little ears and just like, she just like didn't know what was going on with it. It's just like, I was just like, my heart just, just melted and broke at the same time because I just went, if

Teal Elisabeth (11:58.973)
my god, no.

Mark Rosenfeld (12:11.808)
if this goes bad today, and I, again, I was trying to keep positive mindset, but I couldn't kept it in the back of my mind. If this, this goes bad today, the photos that we take now will be, you know, the stories of, all, of what she, of what Sam tells her about me. So there was some, you can, you probably saw it on my Instagram. There was a couple of photos I took with her. And I was just like, my God, is this going to be the last, like last memory she has of her father or the last time I hold her?

Um, and basically, yeah, had about 30, I had about 10 minutes with her and Sam, and then about like say 15, 20 minutes to kind of process everything before I said, all right, you're going up to surgery. And it was a bit of a blur after that. I remember being in a lot of pain. I remember being wheeled up. They did give me some morphine for the pain. I was wheeled up and

they, you know, you meet the anesthetist, you meet the nurse, all there by your bedside. The chief surgeon comes in and talks to you for about five minutes and they say, all right, here's what we're doing. Blah, blah, blah. They're shaving you. They're, they're doing all the things. And I hadn't, I hadn't told Sam that I had this on my phone, but I was nervous to do so. But I eventually said to her, Sam, know, if the worst happens is if there's a note on my phone, please, please read it. And it was just so, it was so fast, but, but so like,

slow at the same time, but the whole thing was just like gut wrenching. And you know, the nice part about surgery is it's not like falling asleep where time is passing. It's like you're out and then you're awake. It, it, I was talking to the surgeon. The next thing I know, I was in recovery. was, it was, time doesn't pass. It's the strangest thing when you're under anesthetic. There is no passage of time. It's that movie scene where you close your eyes, you open them and

So I'm, I'm in recovery. The first thing I do is I just sort of gently, cause I could feel that I was bandaged up and stuff, but the first thing I do, was like, my God, I know this is probably a superficial thing, but it was, am I living with a colostomy bag? Cause that was my first question. How has my life affected here? I was awake, grateful for, was like, okay, I'm here, I'm in recovery. So I didn't die. Am I living with a colostomy bag? I didn't sense that I was. And I actually had one as a kid. didn't know. I told you about that earlier, but I've

Mark Rosenfeld (14:29.88)
tell the listeners that story sometime, but I actually had one as a kid. It was very embarrassing for me as a lot to live with as a kid. So I really didn't want to experience that again. and then as time went on,

I was wheeled out of recovery. I felt Sam's hand in mine. I was wheeled down to wheeled down to I guess the recovery ward, which I was actually surrounded by heart patients. But so somehow I ended up in the heart patient ward. and essentially I spent the next eight days there to with a couple of complications, recovering the, the, they, you wake up, you're kind of, got the urinary catheter in, you got a nasogastric tube in.

And on day three of recovery, this was probably the scariest day, I started feeling the same pain that I'd felt before I went to surgery.

And there was, there was a moment there where it was so uncomfortable. I was in so much pain. was like, I can't go through this again. Please don't God, don't I'm not a particularly religious person, but I was like, God universe, please don't make me go through this again. Like I just can't deal with this again. And what ended up having happened was my, my bowel from the surgery had, had backed up.

And so the little bit of fluids I had been eating, everything had backed up and they had to basically go back in and put the tube back in and, and re-let it out again. Um, which I was very grateful they did because even though it's extremely uncomfortable to have that tube in, it was much more comfortable than what I was experiencing before they put it in. Um, so essentially I had about an eight day recovery in hospital.

Mark Rosenfeld (16:07.178)
shout out to the doctors and nurses at Jersey Shore who yeah, I really appreciate and did a great job. It seems like my surgeon did a wonderful job and there was like just a couple of moments there when I, on that Wednesday night, a few days after the surgery where I had to have the tube put back in, there was a point here where I was basically vomiting, but I had

obviously the scar now and the, well, the still, still a wound, really not a scar. had the wound and I'll tell you what, trying to vomit when your abdomen is like, part of you is like, we need to vomit right now to get this out. Part of you was like, sorry, this muscle's in two pieces and trying to come back together and your body's like battling itself because you get the vomit reflex and then the pain. So the vomit reflex stops and then the vomit reflex is like, nah, I'm going to win this. The pain's like, no, no, I win.

Teal Elisabeth (16:37.857)
Cut open. Yeah.

Teal Elisabeth (16:44.191)
Yeah.

Mark Rosenfeld (16:56.142)
my God, that night was terrible. Fricking terrible. It was so painful. But that fortunately touch wood, knock on wood was the worst, kind of the worst night and slowly but surely I've been recovering from that till. And I thought, you know, I kind of use this. I'm at home now. I've been home for about a week. Sam's taking very good care of me. I thought I'd use today. It's just like, here's a few things I learned. Here's a few things I took away from nearly dying.

and just kind of, share a few of the revelations, how it will affect the Tinder project moving forward and a little bit of positive life lessons. I'm really not trying to be that toxic positivity here, but in a sense, it kind of knocked me around so much that it's made me feel in a weird way, really good about life. And I thought I'd share some of the learnings that have come, that I've come to from that too.

Teal Elisabeth (17:47.285)
Yeah, I love that. And before we jump into all that, I just want to acknowledge your story here. Like when you when you shared all that on Instagram, I actually was it hit me so hard. I started crying. I just felt so moved by everything you shared. And it's it's something I know I shared this with you, too. It's something that we don't even really realize about death. seems like this elusive thing until it's right up in front of your face and you start realizing, my God, wait a second.

this could be the last time for all of these things. And that's actually one of the exercises that I take women through is talking about death and talking about how do we actually approach life as if we were gonna die tomorrow. I know it sounds morbid, it's a really important shift for our mindset to go through, I think. And yet until we actually have an experience like that, we don't really know what it's like. It doesn't.

Mark Rosenfeld (18:18.382)
It could actually be. Yeah.

Mark Rosenfeld (18:39.7)
It, yeah, it doesn't feel real, does it? I mean, I've had, I've had a couple of times where once or twice in life where it's been close. the one that comes most to mind is I was driving, this was like 10 years ago and I was driving back from a stripping job on a one way highway late at night and I was stuck behind this truck, long truck, and I was just stuck behind it for such a long time that I finally decided I was going to pass.

and I happened to choose a time right when there was a crest and I got about halfway past this truck, maybe two thirds past and realized there was another truck coming at me in the other direction. And you have this split second, do I slow down, try to get back behind the other truck?

Teal Elisabeth (19:11.874)
my God.

Teal Elisabeth (19:18.59)
my god.

Mark Rosenfeld (19:24.238)
or do I accelerate towards the truck that's coming at me head on and essentially try to get around it. And I just, I chose in the moment to accelerate and I knew I couldn't turn too early because I didn't want to fishtail myself on the truck that was next to me. Of course you don't want to spin into early. So you're accelerating towards this truck tail and I went, go to all those like, don't go too early, don't go too early, don't go to get past both the trucks are beeping. Like I can hear it's going out. Don't go too early.

last moment I swerved around, other truck comes past me and yeah, that's the only time, that's the only time I could relate to feeling like this. That's the only time where I remember I stopped about 20 minutes after that happened at the first town and got dinner. I've never been so grateful for life. That silly little dinner that I ate that night, I think it was like steak and French fries. I just went, wow, this is, this is a dinner that really could, could easily not have happened.

Teal Elisabeth (19:59.033)
my gosh.

Teal Elisabeth (20:21.333)
Yeah,

Mark Rosenfeld (20:23.05)
So no, it's interesting you do that exercise with clients because you do it, but it's hard to really feel it. At least for me, it's been hard to feel it until I actually went through it.

Teal Elisabeth (20:30.315)
It's true.

Teal Elisabeth (20:34.743)
Yeah, not that I, not something I recommend actually trying to put yourself through unless you really are forced to, but yeah, no, no. But I know that I can speak for all of our listeners and all of your fans that we are so grateful that you made it through this experience and so, so happy to see you.

Mark Rosenfeld (20:37.588)
No. No. Don't go buy a Russian roulette. You know, flip your flip a coin or anything silly like that.

Mark Rosenfeld (20:53.996)
I mean, thank you so much. The outpouring of love has been, I feel bad that I haven't got back to everyone. There's, there was like a bunch of comments on my Facebook posts that I feel guilty that I'm not good, but I'm like, no, I need to, need to just focus on healing. But no, I thought I'd share a few things that just like takeaways that I had from this whole experience that'll help me moving forward, how it'll affect the project and then ways we can all live, live better for it and make the most of our time.

Teal Elisabeth (21:00.479)
don't, that is not your priority right now. Not your priority right now. Yes.

Teal Elisabeth (21:19.735)
I love it. Let's hear your wisdom.

Mark Rosenfeld (21:21.518)
I think, well, the first big thing was it was really interesting, especially in hindsight to notice what flashed through my mind when I had those 15, 20 minutes to just kind of go, all right, what, what do I want people's thoughts? If I am to leave today, if my time is up, what do I want to leave people with? And so it was who was, was one thing who I thought of, cause there was people I didn't think of and there was people I did think of. And then it was what, what do I want to say to them?

And it was really interesting, like looking back, I mean, I'm more objective now, but it was extremely obviously emotional in the moment that it was all things that seeing the other person passionate about something or sharing little moments with them was, was really all that that came to mind. So with Sam, it was really just sitting on the couch, connecting with her. was even simple moments like watching TV together or just kissing or intimacy. kind of just,

like physical touch, those little moments. It was watching cricket with my brother or having a gym session with my brother popped through my mind that those are kind of the two with my brother, like working out with him.

Patting the cat like having the cat sleep next to me and just kind of putting my phone away and just having a little little moment with the cat. Having Lainey in the bath and just doing bath time or having her on my shoulder. She giggles a lot when she's on my shoulder. Can't do that right now but she loves, yeah she just thought it was the funniest thing in the world when she sits on my shoulders.

It was really lots of stuff like that for my parents. was my, my dad loves birds. And so he sends me random bird photos all the time that he's taken from the yard and just seeing his, his passion for birds, for bird photos. My mom makes quilts and plays ball games with me. So those were like the two things that I was just like, Oh, I was so good seeing mom's quilts and seeing her make her quilts and show me her new quilt design and the new quilt she's working on. So it was, it was lots of things that were either, it was either just basic connecting time.

Mark Rosenfeld (23:19.458)
like super basic present time, or it was seeing them excited about something they were excited about. So just kind of, like my brother talking about cricket. I'll just sit there listening, like talk about cricket, whatever's, whatever Glenn Maxwell hit this week, know, hearing him talking about that. It was lots of things like that that went through. So yeah, it just gave me kind of that insight to go, okay, well if that's what's coming up for me, you know, when, when the

be near. Do more of that.

talk, talk about that more, spend a bit more time on that. And I, when I read, when I read the, the notes that I wrote people, Sam didn't read them. Interestingly, she did not, she did not. I said that was there. She said, no, I wasn't going to read it unless I had to. So no one's read it other than me, but it was, it was lots of that stuff. It was like, Hey bro, you know, thanks for all the times we sat down. I'm getting emotional talking about it. It was like, Hey bro, thanks for all the times we sat down and watched cricket together, you know, or go have that gym workout. It was just, it was lots of that teal. So

those were the moments that, that really stood out. And it was always about some sort of close connection. was, it was mom and dad. It was Laney. It was Sam. It was brother. It was family. Those were, those are most of the, it was a couple of really close friends. Those were the, the people that I thought of in those moments and that were most meaningful. So that was one of my biggest takeaways was when you have that little time,

what do you look at and what are you thinking about? And I said, and it was also me saying to myself, how do I want that person to think of me? And it was those moments where, yeah, I want them to know how much I appreciated those moments with them.

Teal Elisabeth (25:05.259)
And I think a beautiful takeaway even from that reflection that was so beautifully said is not waiting until your deathbed to tell people these things, right? Or your hypothetical deathbed really leaning into telling people these things consistently and often.

Mark Rosenfeld (25:15.906)
Yeah.

Mark Rosenfeld (25:24.31)
And it's so vulnerable sometimes to do that. And I think when you're on your deathbed, you, it's weird how you get okay with vulnerability because you perceive you have nothing left to lose. You're like, I'm dying. Fuck it. It's like the walls come down in those moments and

when we have a lot more time, we feel like we have more to lose because in theory, if you say the wrong thing, you could quote unquote lose that person and the connection for the rest of your life. But if you're dying, you're losing them anyway. So you don't even care anymore. So the walls really come down. And actually it was really just as a general comment, just to see the way that Sam and I have connected through this, it's made our relationship so much stronger because we're both, the sleep deprivation kind of gets forgotten and all

those little things where you where you bother each other a bit or you get on each other's nerves because of sleep deprivation it's like you just don't care about any of that stuff when you think one of you might be dying it's kind of weird it just dissolves and all the problems you thought you had seem irrelevant it's quite profound

Teal Elisabeth (26:25.611)
That's really true, very, true. And yet it's funny that we think that saying the wrong thing by being vulnerable is a scary, bad thing. It's like, how could we ever say the wrong thing when we're just being genuinely loving and caring and sharing how much we appreciate someone, you know?

Mark Rosenfeld (26:41.09)
Yeah. Yeah. You know, I see this with in client sessions where sometimes they say something vulnerable and just us being there and receiving it and being okay with it. But then they'll look at us and they'll say, that's the first time someone in my life has

said that's okay to be feeling that way or being okay with my vulnerability. So I think it's unfortunate. think it's conditioning. It's we've had people in our last where we were vulnerable and they didn't like it. Not often, not because they were intentionally trying to close us out. Usually they have their own stuff that gets triggered. But yeah, I think in the past we've all been vulnerable, been hurt by it and said to ourselves, never again, or be careful. And then we, we don't, we don't do it. But you're right. If, the other person can truly receive it, there's no downside.

it's, it's, yeah. So that, that was a big one for me. I love the way it brought that out of me and of Sam as well. And just for everyone in my life, really. And I really want to keep that moving forward. And I don't want to lose that again. Not that I fully lost it, but I think we all put up walls. And when I see how vulnerable I can be in that situation, I go, Oh no, I've still got walls up that I, that I need to work on too. So that it's a cool contrast. And it's been a really helpful insight for me to see where I have to grow.

Teal Elisabeth (27:26.571)
Yeah. Yeah.

Mark Rosenfeld (27:55.95)
So that was, that was one big takeaway for me. A second was, was something I'm calling feminine logic until I have a better grip of a name for it. And it's pretty simple. It's just this idea that this whole experience and especially that night where Sam was saying, let's go tonight to another hospital. I said, no, let's leave it to the morning. I didn't mention this earlier, but my surgeon said, if you'd waited another 12 hours, your bowel would have perforated maybe six.

I got in there and has basically started to fall apart. His exact, well, those were his exact words. So which would have meant, yeah, exactly. So Sam's intuition, you know, to go to urgent care the first night, to go to emergency the first night, and then to go back to emergency the second night, I waited to the following morning was, was spot on here.

Teal Elisabeth (28:26.999)
which would have meant a 60 to 70 % mortality rate.

Mark Rosenfeld (28:43.752)
And it kind of made me realize the difference between feminine and masculine logic, because in my head on Saturday night, I was being logical. went, look, we've had two doctors look at this. Two doctors, two experts in their field. I've had gas pains before. This is not the first, this is probably the worst time or at least the second worst, but I've had gas pains before. Two doctors have checked it out. Let's see if it gets worse. Her intuition was kind of, let's play it safe. Let's go to the hospital. Let's get it checked out.

and really her intuition was, was the correct one. And so even though my logical intuition could have said, well, as I say, doctors have checked it out. You've had this before you've ticked the boxes. Sure. It's nothing wrong. Her life preserving intuition was more accurate. And so I've kind of realized, and I think this is a little bit of a man woman thing sometimes is like, let's say this bottle had a

a 99.9 % chance of being safe and a 0.1 % chance it would kill you. And if you drink it, you get a million dollars. I'm oversimplifying here. A lot of men, I have a higher percentage, I would say would drink it because I'd say, look, the logic is 990 times out of a thousand, I get a million dollars. And often I think the feminine logic would more lean towards the life preservation.

And so I've kind of realized that logically speaking, if you want to best preserve life or expand on life, you are eight months pregnant, so you know a lot about this. Often the feminine logic will choose the logical option that is best in terms of preserving or expanding life, which the masculine may not do. The masculine is more likely to take a chance that is maybe match, it may make sense numbers wise, but does not give the highest percentage of life.

expansion. So I think it was really interesting seeing.

Teal Elisabeth (30:30.807)
Do you think it could have also been more of like the wanting to feel tough and like kind of tough it out versus kind of give in to feeling weak, that kind of thing too? Is it a bravado thing for the masculine versus kind of a surrendering or was it really more of just the logic piece?

Mark Rosenfeld (30:46.391)
I have-

Mark Rosenfeld (30:52.186)
I think it was, honestly, it feels, this is going to sound weird to say, but it feels like kind of an efficiency piece. It's like, we've already been there twice. What's most likely to happen? We'll go there. They'll send us home. It'll be a huge pain in the ass and we'll end up back exactly here tonight. So weirdly enough, I think it was like efficiency for me. What's the most efficient option here? I don't know if that makes sense, but that's kind of what it felt like at the time.

Teal Elisabeth (31:13.707)
Yeah.

Mark Rosenfeld (31:20.334)
So it was just interesting. The feminine, I really learned a lot about the feminine logic and Sam's logic, especially when it comes to health, because she's always been the person that knows when the cat is sick before me. So that's the only time the cat goes to her is when the cat is sick. So it, this was a human example where I went, okay, Sam's intuition with, with life and possibly extending this to women's intuition is spot on and

Teal Elisabeth (31:30.291)
Interesting.

Mark Rosenfeld (31:45.026)
I really need to take it in and listen to it. I shouldn't just blindly follow it, but it was spot on most of the time. And so can, I've really learned to listen to her when it comes to life expanding and life preserving, I guess, wisdom.

Teal Elisabeth (31:59.767)
Hmm.

Mark Rosenfeld (31:59.83)
So that, that taught me a lot about her logic. And this is why in the past I've been sometimes frustrated because, okay, Sam, this isn't the most logical thing. Like let's say she gets anxiety to go on a plane or something. And I go, that's a silly thing to be anxious about. The odds of us dying in a plane are not as likely as even dying in a car stamp. Don't be, don't be emotional about that. But it makes more sense through this lens now, because if you're just looking to expand life, then it is still a risk. So I kind of, it helped me understand women's intuition in terms of a certain type of feminine logic that I can appreciate moving

Teal Elisabeth (32:28.439)
So you've really deepened your relationship with her and respect her even more for who she is in her differences from you.

Mark Rosenfeld (32:29.774)
forward.

Mark Rosenfeld (32:36.174)
Absolutely. Yeah. It just helped me go, okay, I really, I get it now and I really understand where it comes from and it comes from a complete place of love and I think as a man sometimes...

especially when we're not in our best place, can feel, guess controlling would be the word. It's like, she's so anxious and I don't need, you know, nothing's bad, it's gonna happen. But I understand now it comes from a place of love and cherishment. And knowing that gives me a lot more compassion and understanding for it. And then, you know, we can either sort of find a middle ground or compromise, or I can reassure her, or we can make a plan. There's different options. So having that compassion and understanding is really gonna help me in my relationship moving forward.

so that was a big takeaway for me. a couple of other, I guess, things I've learned, family is everything and receiving support is okay. That was a big, I was very surprised. I'll be honest to you. I was surprised at how many visits I got, and flowers and stuff. I wasn't expecting it. And

I don't know if it's just the part of me that, is the more bravado that's like, Oh, look, I can handle this on my own. I've doctors, got nurses, I can call a nurse anytime I like. I don't know. What do I, you know, don't, I don't need that. But I always had people there and it was so beautiful to be able to receive that because I think as a man, not to generalize for men, maybe for just me in particular, I've always been pretty good at handling stuff on my own. So I've kind of been in that mindset, especially if, you know, there's people around who are paid to help you.

But being open to receiving the emotional support from people who weren't being paid to be there, that was really beautiful thing for me to feel and experience. And it came a lot more than, what I was, I guess, expecting, especially being so far from Australia where a lot of my people are. That was really beautiful. And I felt the difference between on that Wednesday night where I was really suffering, I felt the difference between this is horrible.

Mark Rosenfeld (34:36.788)
nurses help doctors help versus God, I hope Sam gets here soon so I can hold her hand. And she, as soon as she knew I was sick, she was like, look, I'm coming back up. I'll be there as soon as I can. In that half hour that it took her to drive there, I felt the difference between, look, I could handle this on my own. Everyone I literally practically need to handle this on my own is here. I've got the resident, the x-ray tech, two nurses. Like I could do this alone.

but I don't want to, I need my wife here. And that was really, it's kind of that opening up to receive the support from Sam in that moment was quite profound for me and a really special thing to actually feel and experience.

Teal Elisabeth (35:22.207)
I can only imagine just the depth of your heart bond that's been formed through this experience. Absolutely.

Mark Rosenfeld (35:29.378)
Yeah. And just, it helped me in my ability to receive and be open as well. Because again, it's like she didn't, she didn't have to visit twice a day. She could have visited once a day. would have been perfectly happy, but she chose to visit twice a day and then I chose to receive that and really take it in and appreciate it.

Teal Elisabeth (35:34.945)
Yeah. Yeah.

Mark Rosenfeld (35:49.642)
and have that vulnerability where, yeah, I can say that I do need this emotional support right now. I can be present with this and I don't have to do it alone right now just because I have the nurse here to help me. That was really special for me. And yeah, I do think it's one of those things you just kind of have to, I don't know if I ever could have perceived it to the same degree.

just from being told it, I kind of had to experience it and just feel it to be like, I get it. That's the difference. I get what that feels like.

Teal Elisabeth (36:12.919)
you

Teal Elisabeth (36:20.727)
And especially as a man, is, it's a different kind of experience, letting yourself receive. We talk a lot about letting yourself need and let that be okay. You don't have to be strong all the time. And that's something that I know women even struggle with too. We don't have to be strong all the time, but especially for men, men too, they don't need to be strong all the time. Everybody needs someone to lean on sometimes.

Mark Rosenfeld (36:25.356)
letting yourself need. Yeah.

Mark Rosenfeld (36:45.154)
We do. do. was a big, yeah, this whole independence thing is just, it's so deep in our culture.

I really learned this as well. I just, even from just Sam and I raising our little one, you might've experienced this with Spencer, you know, how hard it is for only two people to raise a baby. They say it takes a village and they say it for a reason. And I've experienced the reason now I'm like, this is why, know, I've read India there, they all live with their parents. Like I get it. It's cause it takes a village. I, I get it. I used to kind of judge you guys being like, that's a silly system. Who would live with their parents all their lives? Now I'm like, I see why you do that. I get it.

Teal Elisabeth (37:09.983)
Yeah, totally.

Mark Rosenfeld (37:22.178)
I can't laugh too much. I've still got staples in teal. like don't make me laugh, but, yeah, just positive, I don't know, positive neediness. guess you call it interdependence is the term for it. And I think it's made me realize, I had a more independent mindset than I thought I did, which, which brings me actually to one, I guess, client lesson that I want to share with you and the listeners, which is I've always sort of in my teachings, I've always had this

Teal Elisabeth (37:24.989)
Teal Elisabeth (37:40.097)
Hmm.

Mark Rosenfeld (37:50.37)
you know, we don't want to teach codependence and to help people, codependence, a simple example of codependence is your husband's an alcoholic and you hide the bottles. That would be, that's kind of my go-to example for codependence. You're literally solving their problems. So I always had this thing where I would say, Hey guys, you're not there to solve your partner's problems. You are there to be a safe space and a supporter while they solve their own. And while I think in theory, that sounds very nice,

Now that I look back and having been through this experience, I do feel that contributes to independence, independence culture a little bit too much, Teal. And that, I'm going to put that in the category of bad advice that I've given in the past, which is you, you can't just, you can't just opt out.

when your partner has problems and say, look, I'll hold a safe space and you, and support you in solving them. It's like your partner will need your help at times. And while technically they may be able to theoretically survive, it's, that's not what it's about. It's, it's, it's about being there for them and being open to them so that you can help them solve their problems when they, when they really need it. It's more than just that initial definition I just described.

Teal Elisabeth (39:04.811)
Well, I wouldn't throw yourself under the bus completely. I think there's a middle ground for both of that. One, it just depends on what it is that they need help with. If it's surgery or alcoholism, absolutely, that's something they're gonna need you there as a rock to help them through that. But if it's, I think if it's other things that are more in the realm of mental health, things that like insecurities or anxieties and things, we don't wanna fall down that road of helping too much or becoming their...

their therapist or their mother to solve them for them either. So I just think there's a realm of it. But I like the term interdependence, like you're saying, I've used that too. And I like that frame a lot because it's not about being independent and it's not about being codependent. It's somewhere in the middle.

Mark Rosenfeld (39:40.94)
Yeah, I...

Mark Rosenfeld (39:51.478)
It's maybe a discussion for another day. I think it's in, I think it's worth us covering because the truth is, I think when you spend time around, people you spend time around become the people you're liking. Your partner is the person you're going to spend the most time around. So

while your partner's not your therapist, and I like to throw that out there as much as anyone. I've sent that to plenty of clients. The fact is, what does a therapist really do? The whole point of a therapist, yes, is to help you, you know, give you different mindsets and stuff. But one of the biggest things a therapist does is they sit there they don't judge you.

You can sort of say anything to a therapist and if they're a halfway decent therapist, you don't feel shame or judgment from them. That's, that's like therapist 101 is don't make it worse. Don't dump shame on them. And honestly, you could be a pretty good therapist. I've had therapists who don't really give me any new ideas. They don't really coach me. They just sit there and let me talk and I can process some things and, they validate, they don't judge. And that makes them a decent, a decent therapist. Maybe not the best therapist in the world, but, pretty good. And from that perspective, I think a lot of those things are partnerships.

Teal Elisabeth (40:30.361)
I love you.

Mark Rosenfeld (40:52.982)
be doing as well.

a partner who is not in triggered space is going to be, you're going to feel safe processing with them. You're going, while you may not be necessarily doing deep work processing all your trauma, hopefully with your partner, you'll, you'll, feel pretty safe that you can say most things without feeling shame. Hopefully with your partner, you can say most things without feeling judged. So I think from that perspective, there's some gray, because in that sense, a partner kind of is a therapist because at least from the perspective of non-judgmental, non-shame, holding your deepest secrets in a safe space, that's pretty

pretty much exactly what therapist does. And it's kind of a partner's role as well. So I think from that perspective, a partner does have a lot of responsibility in terms of they do hold your mental health in their, in their hands with their actions and how they respond to you.

Teal Elisabeth (41:40.619)
Yes, providing the safe space, absolutely. Not solving your problems, but providing the safe space. Yeah. As we kind of wrap up this incredibly beautiful discussion, was there any other kind of final takeaways you wanted to share with our listeners?

Mark Rosenfeld (41:42.752)
Yeah, in that context.

for it.

Mark Rosenfeld (41:55.034)
just an update maybe on, the Tinder project. So guys, the Tinder project will continue. However, this experience has taught me that I think the consecutive days was, was a bit much and it's not that overwork caused this, but I realized from, from my connection with Sam and, and

Teal Elisabeth (41:58.295)
Mm.

Mark Rosenfeld (42:13.626)
I just want that, I just want that Sabbath. So from now on, the Cotinda project will continue as a non-consecutive experiment. I will be doing it six days a week with a Saturday morning session there. We'll continue bringing you the results. I've got some juicy stuff coming up for you guys. But overall, I'm just going to move forward with a little bit more balance here and we're still going to get you all the results. So I think this has been a good reframe for me. We, we went pretty well with 215 consecutive there and I'm proud of that, but sometimes life gets in the way and I think this is

more sustainable way to do things. So I'm excited for this, what this has taught me. And yeah, I've been talking a lot today, Teal, so hopefully, hopefully I didn't, didn't get in your way, but thanks for, thanks for holding the space for me.

Teal Elisabeth (42:53.843)
No, no, I really appreciate you being able to share all of this with everybody. I think it's extremely valuable and a great reminder to all of us that life is sacred. Life is precious. The people in your life are so incredibly important and let them know that regularly. And I think that's a great takeaway to end on today is just letting everyone think just for one minute right now about a few people in their life, at least a few people.

Mark Rosenfeld (43:04.802)
Can end so fast guys.

Teal Elisabeth (43:22.519)
the first ones that come to mind and thinking about one thing that you really, really love and appreciate and adore, especially right around Valentine's Day. I know Valentine's Day just came. It's a beautiful time for us to just send some extra love out to the world, out to those people that we care about, leaning into that beautiful vulnerability to build those connections because you never know if you're gonna be able to share those things with them or not.

Mark Rosenfeld (43:45.57)
Yeah, great, great takeaway. just to add to that, if you were given an hour...

to live, you know, what would you want to say to people? And if you can have the courage to say that as Teal says, unfortunately, you can't guarantee that they'll respond positively. A lot of times you'll be surprised. Eight out of 10 times, I promise you they will. But if they don't on the off chance that they don't, I'd still encourage you to feel really good about what you shared because if you actually did have an hour to live, you'd be, promise you, I've been there. I was there this week. You'd be very glad that you did.

So yeah, share, share with the people you love, the things you love about them and the times you love guys. No matter what the response, it's, it's the way to go.

Teal Elisabeth (44:26.069)
Amazing. Alright guys, well that's going to wrap up today's episode. Please leave some comments, send Mark some love if you haven't already, and we'll see you next week.

Mark Rosenfeld (44:36.29)
See you soon guys.